At Building Savvy Learners, we see executive function skills as a recipe with four key ingredients: Tools, Routines, Teams, and Self-Talk. While friends, coaches, and teachers can help, family support is crucial for developing these skills long-term. How do we sync our family team? By starting a routine of family meetings.
What is a Family Meeting?
Family meetings are weekly gatherings, usually on a weekend morning. Everyone brings their calendars and shares what’s coming up in the week ahead. They discuss events like field trips, busy work weeks, tests, and extracurricular activities. This helps everyone stay aware of what’s on the horizon.
These meetings also allow the family to discuss any needed changes to routines and anticipate the emotional energy of others. For example, if my daughter has a big test, she might need an earlier bedtime and be less available to help with chores. Similarly, if work deadlines are approaching for one parent, we can set expectations about cooking or carpools.
After sharing this information, the family team can collaborate in working out logistical arrangements like transportation to and from after-school events, especially if routines change. We also do meal planning together, working to share the burden so that everyone contributes ideas and plans to help out in some capacity. This reduces complaints about dinner choices and cuts down on last-minute takeout orders.
By including everyone in these meetings, we’re modeling the planning needed for smooth weeks. Kids often struggle with planning, so this gives them a low-risk opportunity to practice. They may also struggle with task initiation and flexibility, but knowing what’s coming can help them manage their expectations. There may inevitably be some curveballs, but those feel more manageable when we have a general sense of what the week will hold.
What are Common Challenges to Family Meetings?
Do any of these sound familiar?
My kids don’t know what’s happening for them in the upcoming week unless I tell them. They won’t bring their information to the meeting.
This is definitely a process, and it takes time for students to take ownership of this information. They may not be aware of upcoming deadlines or tests in their classes that need to be considered, so that may be a place where they need some extra support to figure things out. I often use prompts such as:
- Are there any places online where we could check to see if there are things coming up for you this week? Possibilities could include a learning management system like Google Classroom or Canvas, a school email account or newsletter, school calendars, etc.
- Are there any friends we could ask who might know that information? Friends are likely to reply faster, and this approach avoids bothering the teacher for information that may have already been communicated and missed.
Even though we talk through all of this on the weekend, my kid forgets during the week.
This process is not a cure-all but provides an anchor for future reminders. Previewing the next day as part of a night-time routine may still be helpful, using phrases such as, “Remember when we talked at the family meeting about X? Well, that’s happening tomorrow.” It can also be helpful to have a shared calendar or visual reminder posted prominently in a high-trafficked area of the house to reinforce the plans made at the family meeting. The main purpose of the family meeting is to extend time horizons and get kids to think more about the near future. Dinner doesn’t magically appear each night, for example. It’s the result of planning and organizing resources, and the earlier kids can peek behind the scenes to see that process, the more normalized it will become.
My kid doesn’t want to participate in the process.
It’s always challenging to do things we don’t want to, but it’s important not to let kids opt out entirely. If we always wait until we feel like doing something, then mountains of things will never get done. It’s essential to build these meetings into the family’s expectations, much like other household chores or acts of self-care.
For elementary-aged kids, start small. Perhaps have parents and older siblings map out the bulk of the week together and incorporate the child later in the meeting to go over what’s been decided and ask if there’s anything we’ve forgotten or overlooked. They can offer suggestions or revisions to the meal plans, for example, but make sure they aren’t just using veto power. If they dislike a decision that’s already been made, they should have the responsibility of coming up with acceptable alternatives.
Five Steps to Family Meetings
To build better team collaboration and start your own family meeting routine, follow these five steps:
- Set a Regular Time. Schedule a weekly family meeting on a weekend morning, ensuring everyone can attend without distractions.
- Share Calendars and Updates. Encourage family members to bring their calendars and share upcoming events, deadlines, and emotional needs for the week ahead.
- Collaborate in Planning. Discuss logistical arrangements like transportation and meal planning. Allow children to contribute ideas and plans to foster their engagement and responsibility.
- Support Task Initiation. Prompt kids to take ownership of gathering information about their week ahead and encourage them to participate in the planning process.
- Reinforce Throughout the Week. Use nightly previews and visual reminders to reinforce plans made during the meeting throughout the week. Normalize planning and organization as integral parts of daily life.
By implementing these steps, families can effectively use family meetings to strengthen collaboration, enhance planning skills, and support children with executive function challenges to navigate daily responsibilities more effectively.
Ready to build a stronger, more organized family routine? Start your family meeting this weekend! Need help getting started or adapting it to your family’s needs? Reach out to us at Building Savvy Learners for personalized coaching and resources to support your family’s executive function development. Schedule a free discovery call today!
